Navigating the Waters of Love: Deciding if You’re Ready for Marriage

As a young man, I faced a daunting question: did I love my girlfriend enough to marry her? I turned to my father for guidance, but he refused to make the decision for me. “No matter what I tell you to do,” he said, “if it didn’t work out, you would blame me.” Fast forward 34 years, and I’m still married to that same woman. We tied the knot when I was just a month shy of turning 20.

Many young people today find themselves in similar situations, unsure if they are truly “in love.” This uncertainty is why I’m writing this post—to help clarify what it truly means to love someone as a spouse. From birth, we’re fed lies about romantic love through movies, music, books, and websites. These sources often present nebulous, worldly ideals that aren’t always healthy. To find true guidance, we need to turn to the Creator of mankind and the institution of marriage: God.

The Struggle Between Love and Lust

As a young man, I struggled to distinguish between love and lust. I enjoyed being with my girlfriend—her soft, feminine nature, her scent, her beauty, and the way she looked at me. But is that love? In today’s world, marriage is a high-risk bet for young people. Choosing the wrong partner can jeopardize their futures. To mitigate this risk, we need to clear up the language and ideas surrounding love and marriage. Let’s try to unmuddy the waters.

God’s Design for Marriage

God created mankind, starting with Adam. He declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone and made Eve as his helpmate. Adam was formed from the dirt, but Eve was made specifically for Adam. If modern men and women refuse to submit to the basic truths of God’s Word, they will find strife in life and have disordered minds. Christians must marry Christians, but this is just the starting point. You need to know the person’s character and ensure you agree on the primary articles of faith. If you haven’t known the person long enough to verify their beliefs, don’t rush into marriage.

Physical Attraction and Compatibility

Physical attraction is a good starting point, but it isn’t everything. If you can’t see yourself having children with the person you’re with, you might be with the wrong one. Constant disgust with their habits or behaviors is a red flag. Remember, there is no perfect person out there. Waiting for “Mr. or Ms. Right” might cause you to miss the person God has placed right in front of you. Your “friend-zoned” person might actually be the one.

The Decision for Life

Marital love is more about making a decision for life. If you can see yourself building a life with this person, find them attractive, and genuinely enjoy their company, then you have a decision to make. Once you’ve made it and they’ve said “yes,” you only have between then and the wedding to change your mind. Marriage is a lifelong covenant between you, your spouse, and God, made in the presence of witnesses and carrying the weight of law. Don’t enter into it lightly.

The Roles of Husband and Wife

According to God’s Word, the husband is the head of the household, and his word is final. He is the leader, provider, and protector, actively engaged in raising the children. Wives are to submit to their husbands as if submitting to the Lord. They are the homemakers, caretakers of the children, and comforters of emotions, with a gentle spirit and inner beauty. Modern women often have an aversion to the notion of submitting to anyone, let alone a man. If either party has a problem with this, they should not get married.

Overcoming Selfishness

Both parties need to kill selfishness within themselves. Married love is one of intent, focused externally on your spouse and children. You will never love your spouse perfectly. There will be times when you’re doing well, and they’re not, and vice versa. These periods can last from a few days to several years. You don’t get to walk away. If you believe the lies of the world, your marriage will fail. The idea that “the heart wants what the heart wants” is satanic. The Word of God tells us that “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Another lie is that you deserve to be happy. As Christians, we know we deserve death and Hell, but thanks to God’s grace and the atoning work of Jesus on the cross, we are saved.

The Sacrificial Love of Jesus

Can you love your future spouse the way Jesus loved you? This is a serious question. Jesus was crucified for murderers, rapists, thieves, blasphemers, idolaters, and every vile sin under the sun. If your spouse is unfaithful, could you forgive them? If they hate you in their heart, could you still maintain a sacrificial love toward them? If they spread lies about you, could you still feel affection for them?

The Hard Work of Marriage

Marriage is hard work and a tremendous risk, but it is also one of the most sanctifying means God has ordained for our growth, along with child-rearing. In marriage, you will grow as a person and as a Christian. Not everyone will avail themselves of the opportunities to grow in a marriage and keep it until their dying day. I pray that all young Christians will find a godly spouse, marry, and be very fruitful in multiplication. May God bless you with many children and love worth learning.