Adults Who Desire to Run Away.

Lately I’ve noticed on social media quite a few adults expressing the notion of running away.  I’m at a loss.  I have no understanding of what that feels like, or even how it would be desirable.  I’m just not getting it.  Is it a real desire to run away from life and responsibility?  Is it a desire to run away from the pain of relationships that don’t measure up to your expectations?  Is it the desire to run away from the mundane?  Is it some combination of the these things?  I just don’t know.  If you are one of the people who desires to, “run away” please clue me in to the reasons for this desire, where it comes from, what you think it would accomplish, how it would make your life better.

As a mature man (Old Fashioned Man) I have learned the value of dogged determination, tenacity, reliance on God, fighting the good fight, standing when others shrink back.  This is something that I am.  I see myself as a gatekeeper, or a sentry.  I protect my family, the weak, and defenseless.  I know other men like myself.  We value the same qualities.  We value the company of others like us.  We put personal problems behind us to accomplish the difficult tasks.  We don’t squabble over trifles.  We only feel entitled to what we have earned, be it good or bad.  We take both equally well, acknowledging our shortcomings.  Running away from our situation never crosses our minds as viable option.  It is completely foreign to us.  If you are one of the people who thinks of running away, imagine explaining what darkness is to a person who has lived in the light.

It seems as if people no longer value these qualities in a man.  It seems that the only people who care about these things are the men themselves.  We’re the last of a dying breed of American men.  The relativistic, secular, humanists have taken over.  They are redefining what it means to be a man, or to be strong, or moral.  If you are white then they scream, “white privilege!”  If you are an old fashioned man they call you a, “misogynist.”  If you are a Protestant Christian they call you, “homophobic, intolerant, hater, etc.”  So being one of the last straight, white, Protestant, men on the planet, I feel a bit lonely, but never think of running away.

I stand my ground and try to do what is right according to God and His word.  I can see the value in that.  The temporal cost is nothing compared to the eternal end of the saved man.  The challenges in the Christians life are God ordained.  He sanctifies and grows us through them.  They are the way in which we are matured.  Ask Jonah how running worked for him.  So when others sin against us, do us wrong, hurt us, take advantage of us, we can’t see them as the bully or the enemy.  We have to see them as the slave of sin that they are.  We need to see that what they have done to us is such a small thing in comparison to what we have done to Christ with out sins against Him.  For us He was crucified, to redeem us from slavery to sin.  What Christ sets out to do, He succeeds and finishes.  Trust in Him, and His goodness.  Don’t look at the situation you are in as a reason to flee.  Be bold, and stand in the face of adversity.  Stand for God and His truth.  Be a man for God.  Be a woman for God.  See others as better than yourself.  Serve others in the way that has been exampled for us in Christ.

Relationships are also to sanctify us.  You have the spouse you have for a reason.  God gave them to you for your growth.  God knew exactly what you needed, perhaps not what you want, but what you needed.  You have the exact children you are supposed to have, because as they grow so do you.  You have the co-workers, and friends you are ordained to have as well for the same reasons.  Trust God, do what is right according to His word.  Learn to love like He does.  Learn to offer grace to those who don’t deserve it, just like He gave you grace.

Are you suffering the mundane drudgery of life?  Well, stop it!  Realize how miraculous the gospel is.  Realize how dramatically God saved you.  Marvel at the power of God’s creation.  You are made in the image of God.  Be in awe of Him and His work.  If you can be in His word and see His works, then you’ll realize there is nothing mundane about living for Christ and the expansion of His Kingdom via the preaching of the gospel, and the saving of sinners.

I hope none of you are seriously thinking about running away from your lives.  I hope it is just an emotional statement of being tired or exhausted.  If this is the case, take comfort in knowing the rest of Christ.  He has fulfilled the law for us.  Every moment is the Sabbath for those who are resting in the righteousness of Christ and not relying on their own works to save them.  I hope that if any of you are having problems that seem overwhelming that you would seek help from brothers and sisters, or look for your answers in God’s word.  Find your purpose, identity, and comfort in Christ.

6 thoughts on “Adults Who Desire to Run Away.

  1. Carol

    Hello Bob, I am a Christian. I go to church every Sunday, raised my kids in church. I am a mom a wife who wants to run away. I think about this often. It’s running away or death. However I know it’s wrong. I’m just tired of my life and the struggles and stress. I know that God puts you through trials and tribulations to make you stronger. I feel stretched to my limit. I’ve never thought I could ever feel like this especially because I know Jesus, I know the word, I have a relationship with him. Do you know there’s women in the church that are the head of the household and we don’t want to be. There are husbands that serve the Lord but don’t have that relationship with him and that leaves the wives to take that place. The husband should be the one that should be the spirtual leader. All of our kids are out of the house except one who is in 11th grade, and as you know it’s a fight dealing with teens and trying to be a good example. I feel like a hypocrite at times because we all argue before church and after church, during the week. I tell my husband so when all the kids are gone who are you going to argue with- me? I feel like at my age life shouldn’t be like this. We have the same problems and it’s never ending. I know God will answer my prayers on his time but it’s been a long long time. You know what’s sad Bob, I have no money to run, no money to get away and I can’t even afford to die. I’m just here.

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    1. Carol, I don’t want to sound flip or unloving. I also want you to know that I am not a professional Counselor, or Pastor. I’m a Corrections Officer/Prison Guard. The only time I felt hopeless was when I was a young teen. Perhaps, 8 years ago when I was having severe difficulties in my marriage. I was crushed by God. He disciplined me. I had made an idol out of my marriage, and my children. We did a lot of the same arguing with the kids before Church, then being happy and smiles at Church. It is hypocritical. The bad news is that we are all hypocrites. Each and every one of us. Us Church going Christians are some of the worst, because we know what is right and wrong. The good news is that Jesus took our sin debt, and our punishment. God poured out His wrath on Christ for us. I was about to lose everything in my life that mattered to me. When the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin. I could see how my suspicions, and lack of trust were hurting the tender heart of my Wife. I could see how my reliance on my own work to keep things together was not working. I didn’t want my Wife to have a hard heart because of me. I prayed to God that whatever happened, she would not be angry and have a hard heart. My Wife stayed. It was very difficult living without the love that I took for granted. It was difficult living with a person for all intents and purposes was very different from the one I married when I was 19. We both had changed. I think I was a false convert most of my adult life until that moment, when I could see the weight of my sin and its effect on my Wife. God granted me true saving repentance and the faith to trust Him, even though I couldn’t trust anyone else. I started living to minister to my Wife instead of attempting to control or manipulate every situation. It took a miracle from God to change me. It takes a miracle from God to save sinners. Over the years, my Wife has noticed that I am a different man. She is glad she stuck around. She could have easily run away. She has some of the limitations you mentioned. Perhaps that is why she stuck around, I don’t know. I’ve been praying for my wife’s heart since that night when I repented. I’ve been praying for God to conform us both to His likeness, word, and will. I see His work in her and in myself. I can’t tell you how to fix your communication with your family or Husband. That is best left to a Biblical Christian Counselor. I don’t know if you have those where you are at, but if you do, go to one. I went, and she helped me learn how to talk with my Wife instead of to her. Instead of listening to her so I can argue, I listen to know her. For years she didn’t appreciate the changes God had made in me. It made me harder for her to dislike, I imagine. I kept it up, because I wanted to be obedient to God. I didn’t want to give up like the world does. I was weak and felt unloved, but I knew that God loved me. I knew that I was strong in Him. All of the Bible studying I did over those years brought me more peace. As I grew to know God more deeply by loving and reading His word, I was put at ease and given strength. One person accused me if I was a weak man. They told me I should leave her because it isn’t worth the work. They didn’t understand. I was humbling myself, because God had humbled me. I was serving out of a position of spiritual strength I had never known before. When people used to say, not in my strength, but yours Lord, I always scoffed. I was so tired and used up. I had know idea what they meant, until I truly got saved. I’m not implying that you are not saved or don’t know your Bible well enough. I’m just relaying my story to encourage you. I can get good again. If you are patient and longsuffering like God, you can have the marriage that pleases God. Kids come into our lives then they grow up and leave. A spouse is there till death do us part… at least that is the covenant oath we make with God and our spouse in front of witnesses. If you can find a good Biblical Christian Counselor, I encourage you to go. Also, I would recommend a good book from Todd Friel called, “Stressed Out: A Practical, Biblical Approach to Anxiety” Here is a link to my review, https://snyderssoapbox.com/2016/09/03/a-review-of-stressed-out-a-practical-biblical-approach-to-anxiety-by-todd-freakishly-tall-friel/
      I noticed you said, “…it is running away or death…” I’d like to present you with a third option, obedience to God and submission to Him and your Husband. You can find contentment in the darkest of circumstances if your joy truly comes from the Lord. Some of these answers will sound cliche if you’ve been a Christian for a long time, they did to me to, until they became real to me. You can’t control the other people in your life. You can’t make them different, but you can control you. Other peoples emotions are their own. You can’t place expectations on them. You can only control your own emotions. If they do something, you can choose to be mad or hurt. You could also choose to realize that they are limited in their capacities, they are a sinful creature, they are mean or what have you, but you and I as Christians, we know that our sins nailed Christ to the cross. What is it to us if someone slaps our face, but we are responsible for the suffering of Christ? If you focus on that we can have mercy for them. We can offer them grace (unmerited favor) we can forgive them even though they don’t deserve it. While we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Here are a couple of links to other articles that might help https://snyderssoapbox.com/2016/07/15/how-husbands-can-get-their-wives-to-resent-them-the-cripplegate/
      here is the other https://snyderssoapbox.com/2016/07/15/how-wives-can-get-their-husbands-to-resent-them-the-cripplegate/
      https://snyderssoapbox.com/2014/04/26/marriage-as-a-typological-representation-of-christ-and-the-church/
      https://snyderssoapbox.com/2016/02/13/is-there-a-heart-so-broken-soul-so-wounded-two-hearts-in-a-marriage-so-hurt-or-scars-so-thick-that-god-the-creator-of-all-things-cannot-heal-them/
      I have a question for you if you don’t mind answering it? What is your Bible studying habit like? How often, how much, what order?
      I strongly urge you to read that book I mentioned. I think it would really help.

      Also, we can choose to believe the lies of sin, and then choose to commit sin, by acting on the lies, or we can resist them, by basing our decisions on the truth we find in God’s word. You have more than just the two choices of running or not existing. You matter to God. Don’t forget how much He sacrificed to save you. Your salvation wasn’t unconditional, the conditions were met by Christ. Place your hope, your feelings, your contentment, your love, your trust, and everything in Jesus. Focus on Him, live for Him, go all out, hold nothing back, repent from everything you’ve held on to and rest in Him.

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  2. Angela L English

    Im a Christian. I don’t go to church too socially draining. I read my bible I pray. I’ve repented my sins begged for guidance. and I believe and in fact know Christ is with me. My life is still completely fractured my relationship with my almost grown children is broken. My relationships with everyone significant in my life are broken I have not one human I can talk to or rely on. The harder I try to be good and loving and Christ like the worse it gets. It gets marginally better I work hard start to build a positive life and get knocked right back down over the last decade I have been laid off from 3 different jobs after almost 3 years of service each I just reach the point were I’m clearing my debt have food and housing security and bang here I am again facing homelessness overwhelmed with bills and fear. I have no one I can even talk to about it every friend relative and even my own daughters have betrayed me. I’m clearly doing something wrong but I dont know what. So I want to run away, hide curl up in a ball so no one can see me, die, escape, just stop hurting, just stop struggling, just stop talking myself into having faith, being positive, dreaming of a future were I feel like I have something in life to be remotely proud of. I’m obviously not running away but I want too so bad it’s like a weight crushing my chest every day and has been that way for years and years. Once my children are grown (2 more years) I might just disappear I dont know. I honestly dont know why I hold on for their sake. according to them and financially I’m useless to them no matter how hard I work to be more be better. No I dont do drugs no I dont drink nope I dont expect 1 thing given to me that I dont work for. No I dont put value in material things. But when all you want to be happy is a stable roof over your head and food in your mouth and you work for those things for years to watch them fall apart within 30 days because your company downsized and you cant find work… well its discouraging to say the least. So maybe you can understand the impulse to just give up.

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    1. This is one of the reasons to be in a Church, as a regular member. I do feel bad for you reading about your problems. There is not much a stranger can do to help you over the internet. The Bible has much to say about suffering as a believer. If you had the resources of local brothers and sisters in Church, they could help you. They would know you personally, and your situation. They could also help you. They could be a sympathetic ear, and offer wise counsel. Keep in mind, every person is a sinner, and a hypocrite. Every relationship is troubled by sin from all people involved. There is no such thing as a perfect people in a Church, just sinners, who have been saved, and are there to hear God’s word preached, and to praise Him together. Fellowship with other saved sinners, can teach us how to get along. Some Churches have Biblical counseling that might help you. Being on your own, without a Husband, and without a Church body, leaves you without a sounding board, support, or correction. It would be good If I could encourage you, but there is little encouragement to give, since I don’t know you. One thing is sure, running from people, and problems will just further isolate you. You can’t have relationships with people if you leave them. Your suffering won’t improve if you leave them. If you read the Bible, and believe it, then you know it is a sin to forsake the gathering of believers in the Church. For some people God has ordained a more difficult life than others. We can see it as unfair, or we can acknowledge it, and be obedient through it, and grow from it. I have a friend who is obedient to God, but is always getting slammed with something. I have other friends who have a trouble free life. Keep reaching out to your family. Offer grace to them. Truly forgive them. Accept you own guilt in the damaged relationships. Confess it to God, and ask Him to forgive you. Don’t expect reciprocation from people. When Jesus was on the cross, working out His love, the sinners there treated Him badly. They did not reciprocate. They, like us don’t deserve His love, but He gave it anyway. Again, I am just a stranger on the internet with no personal knowledge of you, or your problems. If my advice is not good, or does not apply, don’t take it. I do encourage you to get some help. Many Christian counselors will help for reduced fees, or even for free depending on circumstances.

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