In the vast tapestry of God’s creation, where the roar of lions mingles with the whisper of windswept plains, there lies a quiet testimony to fidelity that stirs the soul. From the elegant arch of a swan’s neck to the steadfast howl of a wolf pack, certain animals form bonds that endure a lifetime. But from a Biblical vantage, rooted in the unyielding authority of Scripture, these pairings are no mere quirk of nature. They are divinely etched parables, faint glimmers of the profound glory entrusted to humanity as the pinnacle of creation.
As we peer into the wild, let us allow these creatures to demonstrate words, illuminating the covenantal mystery of marriage that God ordained from the dawn of time.
The Created Echo: Monogamy in the Animal Kingdom
Scripture declares that the heavens proclaim the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork (Psalm 19:1). So too do the beasts of the field and the birds of the air bear witness to His wise and good design (Romans 1:20). Consider the swan, gliding in perfect symmetry with its mate, performing courtship dances that span decades. Or the albatross, traversing vast oceans only to reunite with its lifelong partner in an aerial ballet of devotion. Gibbons swing through the canopy, their duets a symphony of territorial love, while wolves—fierce guardians of the pack—stand as alpha pairs, unyielding in loyalty until death claims one.
These are not anomalies; they are echoes. In a world marred by the Fall, where entropy pulls at every thread, God has preserved these instincts as signposts. The beaver dams its family fortress with tireless labor alongside its mate; the prairie vole clings with a hormonal tenacity studied by scientists yet ordained by the Creator. Even the humble French angelfish patrols coral realms in exclusive tandem.
Yet these bonds, beautiful as they are, remain creaturely—instinctual, not intentional. The animals do not utter vows; they do not grasp the weight of covenant. They simply are, displaying a shadow of permanence and exclusivity that whispers of something higher.
Humanity’s High Calling: The Imago Dei in One-Flesh Union
Here the glory ascends from shadow to substance, for man alone wears the crown of creation. “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness… male and female he created them'” (Genesis 1:26–27, ESV). In this divine pronouncement, we find the blueprint: humanity, differentiated yet unified, reflecting the relational Trinity itself—Father, Son, and Spirit in eternal, perfect communion.
Marriage, then, is no human invention but a sacred ordinance, the “one-flesh” union that crowns Eden’s garden (Genesis 2:24). Jesus Himself harks back to this foundation, declaring it indissoluble save for the grave (Matthew 19:4–6). And in the New Testament, Paul unveils its deepest mystery: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32).
The animals’ fidelity is a prelude; human marriage is the symphony. Where the wolf models loyalty without words, the Christian husband and wife proclaim it—with vows spoken before God and witnesses, with forgiveness extended in the shadow of the cross, with children raised as arrows in the hand of the Almighty (Psalm 127:3–5). This is glory: not mere survival, but an institutional witness. The self-sacrificial love of spouses images the Bridegroom who “loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
A Rebuke and a Redemption: Shamed by Swans, Saved by the Savior
Oh, how these creatures indict us! In an age of no-fault divorce and fleeting affections, the swan does not abandon its mate for a newer pond; the albatross does not “trade up” after half a century; the gibbon sings no dirge of regret over infidelity. Their unthinking faithfulness shames our calculated betrayals, reminding us that lifelong monogamy is etched into the created order—a common grace that testifies against every heart grown callous (Jeremiah 17:9).
But praise God, the story does not end in shame. For those in Christ, marriage becomes a theater of redemption. The Spirit empowers what the flesh weakens; grace transforms stumbling fidelity into radiant gospel display. A couple who cleaves through trials, who serves without tallying score, who bears fruit in holiness—these are not just surviving Eden’s curse; they are previewing the wedding feast of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7–9).
The Pinnacle’s Privilege: Worship in Wedlock
Thus, the monogamous menagerie serves as a divine object lesson—a whisper from pre-Fall Eden, a call to reclaim what sin has fractured. Yet the full splendor belongs to us, image-bearers called to higher things. To whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48). Let us, then, steward this glory with fear and wonder: husbands loving as Christ, wives submitting as the Church, both walking in the light of covenant-keeping grace.
In the end, the animals point beyond themselves. Their bonds allure us to gaze higher, toward the eternal union where no death parts, no shadow dims, and every vow finds its fulfillment in Him.
What say you, reader? Have you seen God’s fingerprints in the wild? Share in the comments below, and may your own story, wed or single, echo the faithful love of our Creator.
Further Reading:
Genesis 1–2 and Ephesians 5 (your Bible—start there!)
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From the very beginning, God designed marriage as a sacred covenant — not a human invention, but a divine gift. In the Garden of Eden, before sin ever entered the world, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone. Out of His goodness and wisdom, He created woman and joined them together in a lifelong union. Every true marriage since then reflects God’s heart, His order, and His covenant love. It is a type of gospel relationship we see fulfilled in the Churches relationship to her Savior.
📖 Biblical Summary of Marriage
Aspect
Biblical Explanation
Key Verses
Origin of Marriage
God created marriage in Eden before sin entered the world. It is His design, not a human tradition.
Genesis 2:18–24; Matthew 19:4–6
First Married Couple
Adam and Eve were joined by God and blessed to “be fruitful and multiply.”
Genesis 1:27–28; 2:22–24
Definition of Marriage
A lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, joined by God as one flesh.
Malachi 2:14; Matthew 19:4–6; Ephesians 5:31
Purpose of Marriage
Companionship, love, unity, fruitfulness, type of the gospel, and reflecting God’s image.
Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 18:22; 1 Corinthians 7:2–5
God’s Role
God Himself joins the husband and wife; no one should separate them.
Matthew 19:6
Husband’s Role
Love your wife sacrificially, as Christ loves the Church.
Ephesians 5:25–28; Colossians 3:19
Wife’s Role
Respect and submit to her husband’s godly leadership, as the Church submits to Christ.
Ephesians 5:22–24, 33; 1 Peter 3:1–5
Marriage as a Symbol
Earthly marriage mirrors the relationship between Christ (the Bridegroom) and His Church (the Bride).
Ephesians 5:31–32; Revelation 19:7–9
Eternal Fulfillment
The ultimate wedding is the union of Christ and His redeemed people—the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.
Revelation 19:7–9; 21:2
🕊️ God’s Design in Scripture
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24
“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” — Matthew 19:6
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25
“In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct with fear.” —1 Peter 3:1-2
💍 Marriage and the Gospel
Marriage is more than companionship — it is a living picture of the Gospel. The husband’s love for his wife should mirror Christ’s sacrificial love for His people, and the wife’s devotion should mirror the Church’s loving submission to Christ. Together, their union displays the covenant faithfulness, forgiveness, and steadfast love of God Himself.
Just as Christ will one day return for His bride, the Church, every faithful marriage points forward to that final celebration — the Marriage Supper of the Lamb, when Christ and His redeemed people will be united forever in glory.
Before any of you get the wrong idea, my wife, and I do not have the perfect marriage. Nobody does. There were times when each of us were tempted with the idea of divorce, but I want to offer an idea to you all, that might change the way you think about marriage. Marriage is from God. He has given it to us, and has defined it in His word.
In a way, your relationship with your spouse is like your relationship with Jesus. When things get difficult, are you going to walk away from your spouse? You wouldn’t think of walking away from Jesus, but for some reason the sinful temptation to leave your spouse seems alright. We aren’t meant to ever get divorced. When times are hard, we are meant to persevere in our marriage covenant to our spouse, in the same way we persevere in the Faith.
Jesus never gives up on us when we are His. He never tries to save someone, and fails. If you rest in that peace, and then love your spouse the way Jesus loves you, with an unrelenting, grace-full, sacrificial, super-generous, love, without any degree of giving up on them, or your marriage, and they do likewise, you will see each other off to death do you part. Don’t give up on the gospel centered, Christ centered, marriage! The world is watching us. Be the salt, and light, you were called to be. Be a witness, and a testimony, to the great goodness of our Lord Jesus.
🙏 Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father, Thank You for creating marriage and making it a reflection of Your love and faithfulness. Help husbands to love as Christ loves, and wives to honor and submit as the Church honors, and submits to Christ. Strengthen every marriage to display Your grace, unity, and truth in this world. And remind us daily that our deepest fulfillment is found in You — the Bridegroom of our souls. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Navigating the Waters of Love: Deciding if You’re Ready for Marriage
As a young man, I faced a daunting question: did I love my girlfriend enough to marry her? I turned to my father for guidance, but he refused to make the decision for me. “No matter what I tell you to do,” he said, “if it didn’t work out, you would blame me.” Fast forward 34 years, and I’m still married to that same woman. We tied the knot when I was just a month shy of turning 20.
Many young people today find themselves in similar situations, unsure if they are truly “in love.” This uncertainty is why I’m writing this post—to help clarify what it truly means to love someone as a spouse. From birth, we’re fed lies about romantic love through movies, music, books, and websites. These sources often present nebulous, worldly ideals that aren’t always healthy. To find true guidance, we need to turn to the Creator of mankind and the institution of marriage: God.
The Struggle Between Love and Lust
As a young man, I struggled to distinguish between love and lust. I enjoyed being with my girlfriend—her soft, feminine nature, her scent, her beauty, and the way she looked at me. But is that love? In today’s world, marriage is a high-risk bet for young people. Choosing the wrong partner can jeopardize their futures. To mitigate this risk, we need to clear up the language and ideas surrounding love and marriage. Let’s try to unmuddy the waters.
God’s Design for Marriage
God created mankind, starting with Adam. He declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone and made Eve as his helpmate. Adam was formed from the dirt, but Eve was made specifically for Adam. If modern men and women refuse to submit to the basic truths of God’s Word, they will find strife in life and have disordered minds. Christians must marry Christians, but this is just the starting point. You need to know the person’s character and ensure you agree on the primary articles of faith. If you haven’t known the person long enough to verify their beliefs, don’t rush into marriage.
Physical Attraction and Compatibility
Physical attraction is a good starting point, but it isn’t everything. If you can’t see yourself having children with the person you’re with, you might be with the wrong one. Constant disgust with their habits or behaviors is a red flag. Remember, there is no perfect person out there. Waiting for “Mr. or Ms. Right” might cause you to miss the person God has placed right in front of you. Your “friend-zoned” person might actually be the one.
The Decision for Life
Marital love is more about making a decision for life. If you can see yourself building a life with this person, find them attractive, and genuinely enjoy their company, then you have a decision to make. Once you’ve made it and they’ve said “yes,” you only have between then and the wedding to change your mind. Marriage is a lifelong covenant between you, your spouse, and God, made in the presence of witnesses and carrying the weight of law. Don’t enter into it lightly.
The Roles of Husband and Wife
According to God’s Word, the husband is the head of the household, and his word is final. He is the leader, provider, and protector, actively engaged in raising the children. Wives are to submit to their husbands as if submitting to the Lord. They are the homemakers, caretakers of the children, and comforters of emotions, with a gentle spirit and inner beauty. Modern women often have an aversion to the notion of submitting to anyone, let alone a man. If either party has a problem with this, they should not get married.
Overcoming Selfishness
Both parties need to kill selfishness within themselves. Married love is one of intent, focused externally on your spouse and children. You will never love your spouse perfectly. There will be times when you’re doing well, and they’re not, and vice versa. These periods can last from a few days to several years. You don’t get to walk away. If you believe the lies of the world, your marriage will fail. The idea that “the heart wants what the heart wants” is satanic. The Word of God tells us that “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Another lie is that you deserve to be happy. As Christians, we know we deserve death and Hell, but thanks to God’s grace and the atoning work of Jesus on the cross, we are saved.
The Sacrificial Love of Jesus
Can you love your future spouse the way Jesus loved you? This is a serious question. Jesus was crucified for murderers, rapists, thieves, blasphemers, idolaters, and every vile sin under the sun. If your spouse is unfaithful, could you forgive them? If they hate you in their heart, could you still maintain a sacrificial love toward them? If they spread lies about you, could you still feel affection for them?
The Hard Work of Marriage
Marriage is hard work and a tremendous risk, but it is also one of the most sanctifying means God has ordained for our growth, along with child-rearing. In marriage, you will grow as a person and as a Christian. Not everyone will avail themselves of the opportunities to grow in a marriage and keep it until their dying day. I pray that all young Christians will find a godly spouse, marry, and be very fruitful in multiplication. May God bless you with many children and love worth learning.
Let’s talk about our, “needs.” Do you think it is God honoring to withhold from your spouse what you are obligated in Christ to provide if they are not, “meeting your needs?” I think this is a selfish sinful attitude. There are times when your spouse may not be able to, “meet your needs.” Can you just stop obeying Christ because you don’t feel loved enough, haven’t had as much sex as you think you deserve, dinner was not as good as you’d hoped, the kids are out of sorts, you didn’t get your way in a decision about buying the new SUV you wanted, the chores outside the house aren’t done to the perfect standard you had in your mind, the dishes sat in the sink for three days while you were sick, and so on. You get the picture.
Romans 5:8 (LSB) 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8 should be clear. God did now wait until we did something for Him to love us. He loves us because He is the perfection of the idea of love. Love sacrifices self for others. If you insist on having your needs met before you obey God towards your attitudes in regard to your spouse, you are sinning.
Colossians 3:18-19 (LSB) 18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
This verse seems pretty straight forward. If you don’t like what it says, you are probably the type of person who twists scripture to make it affirm your sinful flesh. “…Wives, be subject to your husbands…” Do what his directions are for you unless they are sinful. If he wants you to pray with him, do it. If he wants you to help castrate, dehorn, & brand, the cows by making sure the men, and boys have food, and drink, while working, do it. If he wants you to make his lunch up for him for work, do it. “…Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them…” If your wife is overloaded, and has to take a break, don’t get mad at her. She is the weaker vessel. You must still honor her as such. When her charms are worn by the years, continue to love her. Don’t get bitter against her for being a human woman. When she feels unlovable, and gets down in the dumps, assure her that she is still your most cherished gift from God.
Colossians 3:23-25 (LSB) Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. Serve the Lord Christ. 25 For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.
This isn’t directly tied to marriage, but it is indirectly. Why must we love our spouses with selfless devotion? Because we are doing it for the Jesus!
Ephesians 5:22-33 (LSB) Wives and Husbands 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:22 gets twisted a lot, a lot, a lot by angry feminists, and people who hate Christ, and His word. Surprisingly, it gets demolished by many self-professed, “Christian” women. “…Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.…” Simply put, submit yourself to his authority, and rule, as if he were Jesus. Then Paul explains why. “…For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body…” God has placed the husband over the wife. Adam was first. Eve was made as a helpmate. God establishes good hierarchies. Sinful mankind always seeks to disorder them. They will invert them, and pervert them. In this case they will put the woman over the man, or make them equal like in egalitarianism. These are fleshly, sinful, rebellions. Submit to your husband, as if submitting to Christ Jesus!
Okay, now it is the man’s turn. “…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” Christ, who cleansed for Himself a bride (the Church) did so by submitting to God the Father’s plan of crucifixion, and imputation of the sin-guilt of the elect, as well as the just wrath, and punishment, that would be required to justify them to God. Does this sound like a lite, whimsical, Instagram trifle ladies? It isn’t. This is a heavy ideal to live up to. We are to be ready to die for our wives. If you think this is a low thing, you are mocking the work of Christ on the cross! Husbands, if you don’t take this deathly serious, you are saying that the gospel is about you, and not about Jesus!
Let’s look at that verse, and how it would play out practically. If your wife is frazzled from the day with the kids, and chores, don’t be critical of her, the house, or the kids, when you get home. If she has had a bad day, don’t expect her to be the romantic lover at bedtime. Yes, you have the right to her, and she to you, but if you love her, you will be considerate of how she feels. You’ll honor her. This leads us to the rest of this section of scripture. You, and your wife, have become one. You are still individuals, but in marriage you are one. If your wife is hurting, failing, suffering, you also should be feeling those things. In those times remember this, “He who loves his own wife loves himself;” You wouldn’t cut off your arm because during the work of the day it became fatigued, and sore. It is also the arm that raises your food to your mouth, and does the work to provide the food. In the same sense, abusing your wife due to your own lack of loving consideration is actually harming yourself. You might feel like you deserve to be treated a certain way, but remember, you deserve death, and hell. Have pity on the poor dear. She can’t do what you can do, and you can’t do what she can do.
1 Peter 3:1-12 (LSB) 1 In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 as they observe your pure conduct with fear. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands, 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, NOT FEARING ANY INTIMIDATION.
In these first 6 verses, you can see that God has made provision for men to come to the Faith through the powerful witness of a servant wife attitude. It is not debasing yourself to be a servant. Jesus humbled Himself, and was a servant to His creatures. This is the epitome of being Christlike. Don’t seek to usurp the role of a husband. Be a godly wife. He might come to Christ because of your example.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
Men, did you read that? So that your prayers will not be hindered. Men, be considerate of your wife, as she is, and show her respect as a partner in Christ. If you two are experiencing strife, you won’t be able to pray together. You won’t be on the same sheet of music. You need to love your wife in a way that examples Christ’s sacrificial death as the justifying Passover Lamb of God.
8 Now to sum up, all of you be like-minded, sympathetic, brotherly, tender-hearted, and humble in spirit; 9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. 10 For, “THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT. 11 HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT. 12 FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS, AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER, BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.”
1 Corinthians 7:1-7 (LSB) 1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say as a concession, not as a command. 7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one this way, and another that.
Let’s not be naive here. We know, like Paul, that men and women, will have strong physical, biological imperatives, to procreate. It was no secret to the ancient world. God did program us to be fruitful, and multiply. Considering this, and that not many people were like Paul, marriage is a necessity for the fulfillment of those desires, but quenching our passion outside of marriage is sin. Men, and women, need to be understand this section of scripture, “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” When you are married, you’re body is not solely your own. Your spouse has a right to it. You must make every effort to be considerate of their needs in this regard. This does require sacrifice. Don’t come to the marriage bed grudgingly either. Sometimes after a double shift at work the husband might be exhausted, but his wife may miss him, and want to be with him. He must consider this, and love his wife. The same is true for the wife. She may be exhausted from caring for the home, and children all day, but the husband may need his wife. She, likewise should make every effort to be with him. If you’ve been married long enough, you’ll know this.
If you do neglect each other the Bible warns us, “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Do you want to be tempted by Satan because of your lack of self-control? Then ignore God’s word. Pay attention to what all the secular feminists say instead. You’ll be sure to get divorced.
Women, if you read this, and get angry, and critical, only seeing the warnings to women, you missed the point, and your theology is probably wrapped up in human self-importance, or anthropocentric. If this is the case, read it again, looking at the teaching to men.
Men, if you read this, and get angry, and critical, only seeing the warnings to men, you missed the point, and your theology is probably wrapped up in human self-importance, or anthropocentric. If this is the case, read it again, looking at the teaching to women.
This entire article is about Jesus, and His gospel, as it is lived out in a marriage. If you only see, “rules for thee, and not for me” you’ve entirely missed it. I’m guessing it is because you are like most modern evangelicals, and have human-centered theology. You probably see the Bible as a handbook for your life. You probably view the saving grace of Jesus as mainly for you. This is a problem. You are not for you. You are for God’s glory. He made you for His glory, not for your own. Don’t attempt to rob God of His glory. Stop living for yourself, and live for God, the way He has instructed you to.
Are you Christian? Were you a Christian before you got married? Is your spouse a Christian? Were they Christian before you got married? If you are a Christian, and you are getting married to another Christian, consider the covenant you are making with God, and your spouse, in front of witnesses. Consider how serious covenants are in the word of God. Consider what it means to make a covenant with the Creator of all things. Don’t take this lightly.
There is no right, or guarantee to happiness in marriage. There is no right, or guarantee to feel loved all of the time. Marriage can be years of difficult work, with little encouraging feedback from your spouse. Keep in mind, God is using your spouse, and children for your sanctification, and spiritual maturation. He is also using you for theirs. After all, you are no picnic either. If two sinners get together in a marriage, have some kids, who are also little sinners, and you put them together under one roof, guess what they are going to do… That’s right, they are going to sin.
In a Christian home, their should be a war against sin. Kids should be taught right from wrong, parents should teach grace, and forgiveness. Actually live out the gospel in your home, in front of your family. When you get angry, and sin by saying something you shouldn’t have, or by being short with one of your kids, stop, and explain what you did wrong, and ask them to forgive you. They get to demonstrate grace to you. If one of the kids does something wrong, have them sit alone, think about what it was they did, and have them apologize, and ask to be forgiven. The same goes for husbands and wives. It doesn’t have to stop there. You can also do this in your life at work among the unbelievers. They might not understand, but at least they will get a look at it.
Inside your marriage are the thoughts, emotions, and desires of two very different individuals who have made a covenant between them, and God, in front of witnesses. It can be hard work, but it is also rewarding. It is the construct in which God has ordained for men and women to enjoy each other, and procreation. It is sanctifying like I said. When you look back over a period of time, and see how God worked in your marriage to grow you, it can be very reassuring, and encouraging. When you see your children grow into young adults, and use what you have taught them to make their way in the world it is a good feeling. Having someone joined to you by God, gives you a sense of belonging, even if you don’t fit in to most social situations. You have someone who has become part of you, and brings completion to you in the traits that you lack. The complimentary nature of the union makes for a more complete unit. Having someone with you while you are sick, or injured is comforting. Being able to comfort your spouse, and feel for them when they are sick, or injured is an opportunity to demonstrate your love for them.
Trading off spouses every few years, or forgoing marriage altogether to be promiscuous is not an option for a true Christian. It is not pleasing to God. It is sinful, selfish, and you forfeit so much of what is good in marriage when you look at it from a selfish position. View it as a way to glorify God. Be like Jesus in your selfless, grace abounding love for your family. Let the world see that marriage is serious, wonderful, and God centered.
I often overhear people say things like, “Oh what a cute old couple.” or “I want to be like them when we get old. They look so happy.” They say these things when they see a happy old couple. I don’t know if they think about what it takes to get there. First, you have to be a married couple. You can’t do it if you are just shacking up, or getting married and divorced every few years. You also have to be happy. Not just momentary happiness, but the kind of contentment, and joy, that can still smile, and talk with a young person even when their arthritis is causing them so much pain it would put most people in tears. So a long lasting marriage gives the two time to get to really, and truly know each other. It gives them time to put that knowledge into expressing love to them as they would love themselves. This knowledge doesn’t come easy most times. When you put two sinners together in a marriage, sin is going to happen. It is an opportunity for the one who is sinned against to demonstrate the gospel by giving grace to the other. Remember, grace is unmerited favor. While we were yet sinners Christ died for us. Not only that, He bore our sins, and the punishment for those sins. While your spouse is wrong, and may have hurt your feelings, die to yourself and submit to Christ the way He submitted to the cross. This long lasting marriage is ordained by God. It is a covenant between Him, and the Husband, and Wife. This should not be taken lightly. If you truly want to be a happy old married couple, trust and obey God. Read His word and pray together. Be humbled together and convicted together. When the kids are grown and you are alone with each other, you will be forced to confront the successes and failures you’ve made over the years. Accept and appreciate God’s sanctifying work in your marriage for your own personal growth and use it to love others well.
I know that culture has convinced some of us to conform God’s word to what it says instead of the other way around, but realize that is not how it is supposed to be. Culture is supposed to be informed by God’s word. Culture is determined by the predominate cult. Since secular relative moralists have deemed feminism a good thing, many have reinterpreted the Bible to do away with the plain meaning of the following verses. I would exhort you to conform your thinking, and behavior to the word of God instead. If submission to God is not good, why did Christ model it for us? Why are we told to submit and be Christ like in sanctification? Women should not be against submitting to their husbands, and husbands should not be against submitting to Christ. It is not the modern model of mutual submission to each other. That denies the authority of God over man, and is a perversion of His word. In submission to Christ we humbly serve our wives in many ways. There is nothing shameful in this. Submission to our wives is not Biblical in the mutual submission model. It requires equal authority of husband and wife over each other.
This is not how God has explained it in His word. Marriage is a demonstration of the gospel. It is a picture of the Bridegroom Jesus, and His bride the Church. The reunification of sinner to God. It is a covenant between the Husband, Wife, and God. It is for the life of those in the covenant, and we are only released from it upon death. The covenant of marriage has become defiled in modern culture as well. To be salt and light means to stand up and proclaim what God has judged good and evil in His sight, through His word. There is a shame that is good for man to experience. Many Christian brothers and sisters have been sinned against by an ungodly spouse who may or may not be false converts. The truth may not be in them. When your spouse is adulterous, and ultimately leaves you, they have injured you to be sure, but do not be bitter. They have sinned against God, and if they are not found crucified with Christ, then they will have their deeds judged by a just and holy God. Pray for them if you can. If you can’t, pray for yourself, that God may soften your heart and grant you the ability. For those of you who are married still, but are going through difficulties, ask for prayer from your brothers, and elders. Seek help from God’s word, and get wise counsel. Appreciate that you are with the person God has given you for your own growth and sanctification. It is for your good and theirs. The things that they do that make you crazy are for your growth and maturing. Don’t let resentment grow. I pray that God be glorified in our marriages and that we are sanctified through them in accord with His will, amen.
1 Timothy 2:9-15
9Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. 11A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. 12But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. 13For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. 14And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.
Ephesians 5:1-2, 22-24
1Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. (Men are to submit to Christ, as Christ submitted to the Father and death on the cross. If we are to be Christ like, then sanctification includes submission according to the structure of authority God has ordained.)
Colossians 3:1-4, 18-21
1Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. 3For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory
18Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 20Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (notice the man is not told to submit to his wife.)
1 Peter 3:1-7
1In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
7You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
Titus 2
1But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine. 2Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.
3Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
6Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; 7in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, 8sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.
9Urge bondslaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, 10not pilfering, but showing all good faith so that they will adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every respect.
11For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, 12instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, 13looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, 14who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.
15These things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you.
The world is crazy. People are unstable, and unreliable. They are selfish, and self-centered. They don’t care what other people need. They don’t care about other people’s feelings. They only think about their own problems, and their own feelings. They don’t believe in loving other people more than they love themselves. They don’t believe it is healthy to do so. They don’t love Christ above all. People around them are only there as extensions of themselves. Their egos are tied up in them, and when they aren’t rewarded, it is easy for them to destroy the relationships they have, without care for the other people. I’m sick of seeing this, and hearing of it. Being a spouse, and a parent is not for your fun. If you are a spouse or a parent, it is not an option to cease. If you are a spouse, you made an oath to God, and your spouse, in front of witnesses. How on Earth could you justify destroying that, just because you aren’t happy? If you are a parent of a child, how could you mistreat your child because they are interrupting your, “time” or perhaps they don’t give you what you want. Well, duh! They aren’t there to complete you, or make you feel loved, or better. You are the parent for crying out loud. God has given you a job to do. Train them up in the way they should go. Teach them about God, and His word. Preach the gospel of the grace of Jesus to them. Love them more than you love yourself. Sacrifice for everyone around you. You are NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!! Become everyone’s servant. Wash some feet, lower yourself! All of the self-esteem, feminism, everyone’s a winner, sexual liberty, no fault divorce, birth control, promiscuity marketed to women as women’s lib, defilement of marriage by divorce, adultery, and gay marriage, euthanasia marketed as dying with dignity, abortion marketed as a women’s choice under women’s lib/feminism, porn turning men and women into objects, defiling gender that is God given as a gift for the procreation of image bearers of God, that was to be for His glory, and on and on and on… I’m tired… I’m disgusted… Haven’t we had enough of us? Haven’t we had our fill of this delusion? We need God. We need repentance. We need to be broken so we can see the vanity of it all. WE NEED TO HUMBLE OURSELVES AND REPENT. We need to become lowly servants. That is my rant for the day. Like Paul when he said, “It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.” 1 Timothy 1:15 (NASB) We are the worst of sinners, I am the worst of sinners, you are the worst of sinners.
How many times have you heard from one of your married friends who is being left by their spouse, “We were just toxic together.” Probably as many times as you’ve heard, “He/She was just toxic for me.” People complain, “I’m just not happy. I deserve to be happy.” So many of my friends, as of late, have had these things said to them. Usually followed by, “I don’t love you anymore.” For good measure they might even throw in a, “You are controlling, and abusive. I never loved you.” These are some of the most selfish, and injurious accusations I’ve heard. These are also very sinful, and rebellious. They are definitely not Christian sentiments. I believe they are selfish, and used as a cop out. It is the lie they tell themselves, and others, to not put in the hard, sanctifying, and gospel exemplifying, work that is needed for a life-long covenant between them and God.
I’d expect to hear this vitriol coming from the lost, but we often hear it coming from professing Christians. I’ve even seen several articles on supposedly Christian websites that advocate divorcing a toxic person. Have they forgotten that everyone is a, “toxic person?” Have they forgotten the power of the gospel? Have they forgotten that God hates divorce? If they are saved, and acting/feeling like this then, they are in rebellion, and will be disciplined by God. If they are false converts, they will receive their just punishment in Hell, where God will be just, and right to pour out His wrath on them, for all eternity.
Of course you are in a toxic relationship. You are a toxic sinner. Of course your spouse is toxic. They are a sinner. When you put two sinners together in a room they are going to sin. They are going to be selfish, prideful, arrogant, idolatrous, and petty. Of course you aren’t happy. You are expecting another person to make you happy. Guess what… a sinful person will always let you down. You will never be fulfilled by another human being. You can only find the contentment you are looking for in Jesus, and His gospel of grace.
Oh, and here is another big shocker, regardless of what you’ve heard, you don’t deserve to be happy! You are a sinner, like everyone else. God is perfectly just, holy, righteous, and good. You have broken His laws, and are a guilty sinner. You, and I deserve to be punished. We don’t deserve to be happy. You, and I deserve to be killed by God, and be sent to Hell for eternity, just like everyone else on the planet. You see, it is a sin problem, not a relationship problem. The only way it was a relationship problem is that as sinners we were enemies of God. If we want peace with Him, we must repent, and believe in the work of Christ on the cross, to justify us with God.
We read all of the New Age drivel on websites, blogs, and social media. We listen to podcasts, and self-help gurus on the radio. It validates, and justifies, the selfish, idolatrous, sinful, thoughts. Why do people consume these things? I know why I am here. I am here to combat the darkness that has been enslaving people, and ruining marriages, children, and families, for far too long in this country. Why are you here? Are you here to flirt with the darkness? Do you want to hear something that will give you permission to give up, and give in to sin? Are you being tempted by the New Age malarkey? Are you setting up false teachers to tickle your ears? Wake up! We need to stop behaving like selfish children, and truly understand what this means, “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Do you think you are something special? Do you think you deserved His love? If it weren’t for His grace, we’d all be lost.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not telling someone who is getting physically abused to stay in the home. If you are getting physically abused you should be separated. “Separated” does no mean, “Oh goody, time to commit adultery.” Being separated for a time can be necessary, but it is always supposed to be temporary. If your spouse has committed adultery, you may divorce them, but it isn’t the optimal expression of a mature believer’s grace. If your spouse is an unbeliever, and walks out on you, you may divorce. If you really understand grace, even though you may divorce them, if they are repentant, you will forgive them, and give grace to them, just like the way Christ gave grace to you, instead of what you deserve.
I don’t agree with the modern definition of psychological abuse. Pretty much any difficult thing you talk about with a person can be deemed abusive anymore. Obviously if you are a Christian you should not hurt your spouse emotionally. You should not intentionally, or maliciously hurt their feelings. It is sinful to do so. Your sin does not justify a divorce unless it fits the criteria mentioned above. Christ endured our scorn, and ridicule while on the cross, dying for a bunch of sinners. Do we think we deserve better than Christ?
We all want the romantic fairy tale marriage. We all want to feel loved. Some people are living the dream, but it might not have always been that way for them. How do you think they got there? It wasn’t by giving in, and giving up that is for certain. They had to fight against their own sin, and forgive the other’s sins, while loving God more than anyone, or anything else. They had to trust, and obey God, not their ever-changing emotions. If you give up you miss out on the sanctification that God has planned for you. If you give up, you’ll just take your sin problems with you to another sinner, and find some other reason to leave them. You’ll never deal with the real problems as long as you use the cop out excuse of, “They were just toxic, it was a toxic relationship.”
Our only hope in marriage is Jesus Christ. Our only hope in life, and death is Jesus Christ. If we have been saved from our sins by Christ, then we are obliged to demonstrate the same type of sacrificial love for our spouse. We love them without any expectations of return on our investment. We love them because Christ loves us. Our sins put Christ on the cross. It is as if we had the hammer, and nails in our hands, and put Him up there ourselves. He died for us, knowing that we hated Him. He got nothing worth having in saving us. By God’s sanctifying work, the Holy Spirit conforms us to the will, and word of God, to be Christlike to the world, including our spouse. We love them even though they don’t deserve it. We demonstrate grace to them, when they don’t deserve it. Marriage is a covenant with God, you, and your spouse, for the rest of your life. It is a picture of the gospel, to be lived out in front of the world. The husband is the head of the wife, the way that Christ is the head of the Church. Christ died to save the Church, His bride. The wife is the representation of the Church, submitting to the Bridegroom who saved her for Himself. So love one another sacrificially, and stop all of this selfish carnal nonsense. Obey God, and glorify Him in your marriage.
Ever wonder why the Roman Catholic Church disregards the Bible and refuses to allow their priests to marry? In light of (1 Corinthians 9:3-5 NASB) “(3) My defense to those who examine me is this: (4) Do we not have a right to eat and drink? (5) Do we not have a right to take along a believing wife, even as the rest of the apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?” and (1 Timothy 3:1-4 NASB) “It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. (2) An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, (3) not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. (4) He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity” as well as, (1 Timothy 3:12-13 NASB) “Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, and good managers of their children and their own households. (13) For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a high standing and great confidence in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.” It seems pretty clear that marriage is the normative for the leadership of the Church. Not only does it make sense that way, but it also displays the gospel for everyone to see in the Husband and Wife relationship. Even God incarnate, Jesus Christ quoted His own word by referring to Genesis 2:24 in (Matthew 19:1-5 NASB) When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; (2) and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. (3) Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” (4) And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, (5) and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’?” It seems to me that marriage is a good thing and prescribed in the Bible for men and women. Perhaps the Roman Catholic Church just likes to make up their own doctrines and disregard the Bible? Just saying…
Snyder's Soapbox 