Let’s talk about our, “needs.” Do you think it is God honoring to withhold from your spouse what you are obligated in Christ to provide if they are not, “meeting your needs?” I think this is a selfish sinful attitude. There are times when your spouse may not be able to, “meet your needs.” Can you just stop obeying Christ because you don’t feel loved enough, haven’t had as much sex as you think you deserve, dinner was not as good as you’d hoped, the kids are out of sorts, you didn’t get your way in a decision about buying the new SUV you wanted, the chores outside the house aren’t done to the perfect standard you had in your mind, the dishes sat in the sink for three days while you were sick, and so on. You get the picture.

Romans 5:8 (LSB)
8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8 should be clear. God did now wait until we did something for Him to love us. He loves us because He is the perfection of the idea of love. Love sacrifices self for others. If you insist on having your needs met before you obey God towards your attitudes in regard to your spouse, you are sinning.

Colossians 3:18-19
(LSB)
18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

This verse seems pretty straight forward. If you don’t like what it says, you are probably the type of person who twists scripture to make it affirm your sinful flesh. “…Wives, be subject to your husbands…” Do what his directions are for you unless they are sinful. If he wants you to pray with him, do it. If he wants you to help castrate, dehorn, & brand, the cows by making sure the men, and boys have food, and drink, while working, do it. If he wants you to make his lunch up for him for work, do it. “…Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them…” If your wife is overloaded, and has to take a break, don’t get mad at her. She is the weaker vessel. You must still honor her as such. When her charms are worn by the years, continue to love her. Don’t get bitter against her for being a human woman. When she feels unlovable, and gets down in the dumps, assure her that she is still your most cherished gift from God.

Colossians 3:23-25
(LSB)
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. Serve the Lord Christ. 25 For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.

This isn’t directly tied to marriage, but it is indirectly. Why must we love our spouses with selfless devotion? Because we are doing it for the Jesus!

Ephesians 5:22-33
(LSB)
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:22 gets twisted a lot, a lot, a lot by angry feminists, and people who hate Christ, and His word. Surprisingly, it gets demolished by many self-professed, “Christian” women. “…Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.…” Simply put, submit yourself to his authority, and rule, as if he were Jesus. Then Paul explains why. “…For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body…” God has placed the husband over the wife. Adam was first. Eve was made as a helpmate. God establishes good hierarchies. Sinful mankind always seeks to disorder them. They will invert them, and pervert them. In this case they will put the woman over the man, or make them equal like in egalitarianism. These are fleshly, sinful, rebellions. Submit to your husband, as if submitting to Christ Jesus!

Okay, now it is the man’s turn. “…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” Christ, who cleansed for Himself a bride (the Church) did so by submitting to God the Father’s plan of crucifixion, and imputation of the sin-guilt of the elect, as well as the just wrath, and punishment, that would be required to justify them to God. Does this sound like a lite, whimsical, Instagram trifle ladies? It isn’t. This is a heavy ideal to live up to. We are to be ready to die for our wives. If you think this is a low thing, you are mocking the work of Christ on the cross! Husbands, if you don’t take this deathly serious, you are saying that the gospel is about you, and not about Jesus!

Let’s look at that verse, and how it would play out practically. If your wife is frazzled from the day with the kids, and chores, don’t be critical of her, the house, or the kids, when you get home. If she has had a bad day, don’t expect her to be the romantic lover at bedtime. Yes, you have the right to her, and she to you, but if you love her, you will be considerate of how she feels. You’ll honor her. This leads us to the rest of this section of scripture. You, and your wife, have become one. You are still individuals, but in marriage you are one. If your wife is hurting, failing, suffering, you also should be feeling those things. In those times remember this, “He who loves his own wife loves himself;” You wouldn’t cut off your arm because during the work of the day it became fatigued, and sore. It is also the arm that raises your food to your mouth, and does the work to provide the food. In the same sense, abusing your wife due to your own lack of loving consideration is actually harming yourself. You might feel like you deserve to be treated a certain way, but remember, you deserve death, and hell. Have pity on the poor dear. She can’t do what you can do, and you can’t do what she can do.

1 Peter 3:1-12
(LSB)
​¹ In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, ² as they observe your pure conduct with fear. ³ Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments; ⁴ but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. ⁵ For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands, ⁶ just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, NOT FEARING ANY INTIMIDATION.

In these first 6 verses, you can see that God has made provision for men to come to the Faith through the powerful witness of a servant wife attitude. It is not debasing yourself to be a servant. Jesus humbled Himself, and was a servant to His creatures. This is the epitome of being Christlike. Don’t seek to usurp the role of a husband. Be a godly wife. He might come to Christ because of your example.

⁷ You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Men, did you read that? So that your prayers will not be hindered. Men, be considerate of your wife, as she is, and show her respect as a partner in Christ. If you two are experiencing strife, you won’t be able to pray together. You won’t be on the same sheet of music. You need to love your wife in a way that examples Christ’s sacrificial death as the justifying Passover Lamb of God.

⁸ Now to sum up, all of you be like-minded, sympathetic, brotherly, tender-hearted, and humble in spirit; ⁹ not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. ¹⁰ For,
“THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS,
MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
¹¹ HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD;
HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT.
¹² FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS,
AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER,
BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.”

1 Corinthians 7:1-7
(LSB)
​¹ Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. ² But because of sexual immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. ³ The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵ Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ⁶ But this I say as a concession, not as a command. ⁷ Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one this way, and another that.

Let’s not be naive here. We know, like Paul, that men and women, will have strong physical, biological imperatives, to procreate. It was no secret to the ancient world. God did program us to be fruitful, and multiply. Considering this, and that not many people were like Paul, marriage is a necessity for the fulfillment of those desires, but quenching our passion outside of marriage is sin. Men, and women, need to be understand this section of scripture, “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” When you are married, you’re body is not solely your own. Your spouse has a right to it. You must make every effort to be considerate of their needs in this regard. This does require sacrifice. Don’t come to the marriage bed grudgingly either. Sometimes after a double shift at work the husband might be exhausted, but his wife may miss him, and want to be with him. He must consider this, and love his wife. The same is true for the wife. She may be exhausted from caring for the home, and children all day, but the husband may need his wife. She, likewise should make every effort to be with him. If you’ve been married long enough, you’ll know this.

If you do neglect each other the Bible warns us, “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Do you want to be tempted by Satan because of your lack of self-control? Then ignore God’s word. Pay attention to what all the secular feminists say instead. You’ll be sure to get divorced.

Women, if you read this, and get angry, and critical, only seeing the warnings to women, you missed the point, and your theology is probably wrapped up in human self-importance, or anthropocentric. If this is the case, read it again, looking at the teaching to men.

Men, if you read this, and get angry, and critical, only seeing the warnings to men, you missed the point, and your theology is probably wrapped up in human self-importance, or anthropocentric. If this is the case, read it again, looking at the teaching to women.

This entire article is about Jesus, and His gospel, as it is lived out in a marriage. If you only see, “rules for thee, and not for me” you’ve entirely missed it. I’m guessing it is because you are like most modern evangelicals, and have human-centered theology. You probably see the Bible as a handbook for your life. You probably view the saving grace of Jesus as mainly for you. This is a problem. You are not for you. You are for God’s glory. He made you for His glory, not for your own. Don’t attempt to rob God of His glory. Stop living for yourself, and live for God, the way He has instructed you to.