Why can’t she/he just be happy?
Have you ever found yourself lamenting this question? Your spouse seems to always be in the dumps. This may or may not be true of course. It could just be your impression that they are always blue. Over and over again they seem disappointed or dissatisfied with you. You search your mind for any offense you could have caused by action or inaction, you probe your intuition for things that could have gone wrong. It seems every waking moment is spent in a frustrating quandary.
People are unhappy because of original and personal sin. We are not living as we would have if sin did not enter the world through the transgression of God’s command by Adam. Because of Adam’s sin the whole of creation has been cursed by God. All of Adam’s descendants are corrupted by sin. The Earth has been changed because of sin. How we perceive things is fallen.1 Death is a result of sin. We in our arrogance wanted to be like God in knowledge of good and evil. Before the fall all we knew was good. Now because of sin we know sickness, suffering, death, and evil.
All descendants of Adam and Eve are corrupted through and through by sin.2 That means you and I. We are sinners. When you put two sinners together in a room they will do what they are able to do. They will sin. They will see the world through sin colored glasses. Everything they hear and see will be colored by pride, selfishness, deceitfulness, arrogance, hatred, spite, self-serving love, and so on. Do we wonder why the divorce rate is so high? We shouldn’t. We should be surprised anyone gets married at all anymore.
So when you feel unhappy or frustrated with your spouse remember that your sins put Christ on the cross and He endured the Father’s wrath that you had coming so that you could be forgiven. If you were forgiven of so much shouldn’t you forgive your spouse of such a small offense in comparison?3 They need us to express the grace and sacrificial love of Christ. Sure we want to help them to be happy, but it isn’t our job. Only God can satisfy us. When we are the ones that aren’t happy it isn’t because of our spouse. It is because we aren’t relying on God. We can just as easily make an idol of our spouse as we can ourselves. If you are like me we can fall to this from time to time, especially when we are tired or not thinking about it. When you realize you are in sin, repent, ask God to forgive you and He will.4
1Genesis 3:1-19 NASB Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” (2) The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; (3) but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.'” (4) The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! (5) “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (6) When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. (7) Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. (8) They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (9) Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” (10) He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” (11) And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” (12) The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” (13) Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (14) The LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, Cursed are you more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you will go, And dust you will eat All the days of your life; (15) And I will put enmity Between you and the woman, And between your seed and her seed; He shall bruise you on the head, And you shall bruise him on the heel.” (16) To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.” (17) Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you will eat of it All the days of your life. (18) “Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; And you will eat the plants of the field; (19) By the sweat of your face You will eat bread, Till you return to the ground, Because from it you were taken; For you are dust, And to dust you shall return.”
2Romans 3:23 NASB for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
3Matthew 18:23-35 NASB “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. (24) “When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. (25) “But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. (26) “So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ (27) “And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. (28) “But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ (29) “So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ (30) “But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. (31) “So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. (32) “Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. (33) ‘Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ (34) “And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. (35) “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”
41 John 1:9 NASB If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.